|Photo by Adam Pap|
I can't imagine the last nine months without Brian. Well, first off, half of the adventures I've had since August 2011--good and bad--would not have been possible without Brian in my life. But all these adventures have been better with him by my side. I have been honored to support his journey through college, sometimes by cheering him on and sometimes by proof reading. I have been grateful to have him there through my health stuff, my career changes, and the Great Bat Fiasco of 2012. I have been moved to tears by the simple domestic reality of folding laundry while he roams around downstairs singing songs to the dog. I am filled with happiness.
NOBODY PINCH ME.
I'm curious about when I might expect to stop feeling a bit inadequate. I think of all the ways that Brian shows his love, and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I can never find enough ways to show him, too. Everything still feels so surreal, like I'm going to wake up and he'll have just been a dream...or that one day I'm going to do something so despicably annoying/reprehensible/weird that he will just stand up, grab his coat, and walk out. And I wouldn't even blame him because he's much, much too good for me. This isn't a self esteem issue, I swear; I firmly believe that other newlyweds must have these feelings sometimes, too. I think it comes from the mind-boggling realization that someone you think is pretty much heaven-sent, would ever possibly happen to feel the exact same way towards you. It is one of those gifts in life that makes me believe in a higher power. Some things are so glorious, they must be the work of the divine. And that's how I feel about my Brian.